Believe In Me

Dear Diary,

I know I can be insecure about myself, who isn’t? It can be the smallest things that people don’t even notice or the ones that everyone does. There are so many parts of ourselves we can be insecure about, from the things we do, to what we say and how we look. It’s a nightmare constantly thinking about it. Sometimes it just consumes you completely.

There are people out there that can overcome their insecurities in a day or may be even a week. Then there are those like me who have taken so much longer. I mean we are talking about years. Your insecurities always come from somewhere. Once upon a time we didn’t even notice them, but as we grow older we look around and begin to compare ourselves with others. There is one insecurity I have because someone told me it over and over again. I never even thought of it being an insecurity, but it’s like having a song on repeat eventually you will know all the words. Eventually I believed it and I thought it was true.

I had to climb a mountain to overcome that insecurity. Not a real mountain but you understand what I mean. As much as I wanted to fly to the top, I’m not Superwoman. There’s no such thing as short cuts. I was told to forget it and stop worrying because I knew it wasn’t true. I did try to just push it aside, although it was like watching a in the Jack in the box. I didn’t know when but I knew it would spring right back up. Me being the person I see in the mirror everyday. The person feeling so out of place. You are constantly reminded and the power of your insecurities has such a strong hold.

When you are rushed to overcome your insecurities, I believe that it makes it worse. You put so much more pressure on yourself. May be this insecurity I have seems silly to others but it’s mine. I understand that people, especially those that are close to you are trying to help. I would just appreciate the patience and well as the support. The continuing tug would just make me fall back down to where I started with what got me there in the first place.

Insecurity is powerful and has hold of each one of us. Some may even have more than others. I just know with each insecurity I have, no matter how long it takes I will work on it. Not that I want more negative words thrown at me, but that’s what makes you want to prove them wrong. It may just be later than sooner but I still will. Then the next step will be embracing that insecurity in a more positive and productive way.

@AmaniVHenry

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