Catch Me

Dear Diary,

Trust is a major requirement for everyone. Without it then I guess we are not moving anywhere. It takes so long to build and seconds to break. That is what we keep reminding ourselves. Once it takes effect it hurts, but there is already a part of us that is not surprised. As we’ve been there before and if we haven’t then it hurts like a… lot of pain.

It’s as though at the start of each relationship we begin with doubt, approaching it negatively. Already assuming it’s going to fall apart before it’s even begun. So what is the point? We keep our feelings at a great distance because we are afraid of getting them hurt again. Especially when we may be liking that person quicker than we should. We begin to fight with ourselves, debating over the previous experience but how much this can be different.

I guess we shouldn’t hold our past experiences on them, but it is hard not to. There is now a wall built in front of the trust which will need serious work to be knocked down. It’s as though we know what the outcome will be, it’s always the same and It’s always too good to be true. That’s not entirely the case.

Every hello ends with a goodbye, but every goodbye is different. It is a 50/50 chance that they will be just like the last person or could turn out to be better. It’s terrifying letting someone in but if they are already breaking down the wall then that’s something. If this new person makes me happy and laugh I’d rather grab onto that, then pushing them away and hiding. Whether it’s a new family member, a new friend, a new lover. When we fall and they are willing to catch us, isn’t that worth something? Sure we can pick ourselves back up, but if they are right in front of us reaching out their hand, I would grab on. It’s unfortunate that we may get hurt but there’s always going to be a trial and error until the right person comes along. So instead of fighting with ourselves, we may just need to take that chance.

@AmaniVHenry

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