Chandelier

Dear Diary,

I don’t know what tomorrow holds, although I have an idea of what I would like it to. No two days are the same, there is always some alteration. The biggest alteration we experience is our emotions. Everyday we tap into each one, it all depends on which is enhanced. I know for a fact there are days I would rather be emotionless, however it’s our emotions that make us human. So why not be human for that moment? Why not take away that feeling? Those are the questions we ask and we find whatever it takes to get rid. It may be 1,2,3 1,2,3 drink or 1,2,3 1,2,3 eat or 1,2,3 1,2,3 watch or 1,2,3, 1,2,3 listen (music). How long does that last? I can listen to Pharrell’s Happy on repeat, trying to mask the fact I’m sad but I’d might as well listen to that Adele song. I can watch Kevin Hart a thousand times, but I will still be nervous. I can eat too, but that’s not going to help me or anyone else.

Is there a point? Sure it may seem like it for a split second but we are not vampires. Damon and Stephan Salvatore have it easy, however they choose to switch their humanity on. Why? Because you just put the emotions on hold. Eventually they will hit, slap and punch you in the face. Brutal but it actually does. You think to yourself that you can’t cope feeling all of those emotions, it’s not true. It may just take longer for others but it will happen.

So you cry yourself to sleep at night, you throw things around (Remember it’s you that has to clean that up, no one is on set to clean it), you have that panic attack. Eventually it will stop. In order to get past, is to go through. Take a breath. It may be scary or annoying but if you don’t, you’ll just make it harder for yourself.

I could say that the emotions have made me stronger, to be honest it’s just made me more me. If that makes sense. It’s the experiences we go through that transform us. For example, if you have been in relationships where trust has been an issue, the next person that comes along you are already going in thinking they will betray. If they do, that doesn’t mean you can’t still be upset about it because you saw it coming. There’s nothing wrong with you, that’s just how it is sometimes. Cry is you want to cry but don’t try and fight it.

Emotions will always win. So I will open my eyes and look down, because I know eventually I will get across. Even if that means I’d have to swing across a chandelier.

@AmaniVHenry

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