All of Me

Dear Diary,

There are many times you feel like you can’t be yourself. You have to hide parts of who you are because of who you’re around. I get it but in certain circumstances I don’t. To be honest it’s not about you hiding who you are, it’s just others refusing or are not willing to see YOU. They think you’re crazy or acting up when you reveal the parts of you that have always been there.

As part of life we grow and we are exposed to so many things. We develop our own views and character. I mean we continue to change everyday, because no two days are the same. We push through it because the days only move forward but it’s how we do it. There may be people that got angry quicker, complained a lot, brushed things off or analyzed every little thing. Those traits can be moved around. When you finally begin to speak up from brushing things off, you’ve got attitude. When you stop complaining, you’re too quiet. Now you can’t really win can you?

Our parent, family member or work colleague can give us a lecture about responsibilities and when and what to do. If they keep seeing that little boy or girl that was “this high” or the person that made that mistake, when everyone makes them. How will you see the responsibility that has been taken or that I’m doing more than what was asked of me. I’m not saying I want praise just acknowledgement. I understand you’re still waiting for the slip up. So what if there is one? No one is perfect, but I’m bothering to try. Not for you but for me because I know my capabilities but do you? Really?

Everyone’s beginning to speak up now but there are still those that just fall back into routine. What’s the point? You still see the person you think I am. No matter how many times I try to break through that, we end up back where we started.

I may have tried a bunch of things and decided not to continue with them because I was still looking for me. Not everyone can do that straightaway, although we are still finding ourselves. Am I in the piano? Am I in that article? Am I in that book? Am I in that movie? Am I in the Genius bar at Apple? Like seriously there is so many things out there. Come on! You know how many actors that thought acting was it but they are now just directors or writers?? Do you know how many people studied courses at university and don’t even work in the field of what they studied? I could work in a shop and find I’m better merchandising than I am on tills.

When you are on the verge of adulthood or even in adulthood and you finally know what you want to do, stick with it. Roll with it even if you have gone from a lawyer to a painter. We only get one life and if we can just be ourselves and not have to hide then it’s worth it. I’d rather be happy. If you want to complain about me doing that, then waste your time doing it while I move forward with my life.

My mum may still see me as her little girl, but I’m a woman despite my cute baby face. I will still call for advice, hang out or even hug her like I’m six again. Just because I’m getting older she won’t just turn me away. I won’t turn her away.

No matter what your status is at work. If you have an idea, pitch it. To be honest we all are working for the same thing, positive results. If you believe you can get them then say something. Don’t waste your opportunity when you know your capabilities. It may be taken on board or not but at least it was your input that may make a difference. Unless it’s a really really dumb idea. Keep quiet!!

Instead of seeing me as who you think you know, you should really get to know. You know?

I’m happy with who I am becoming, it would have just been great if I was given the time to show all of me to certain people. I get it, if they don’t someone else will.

@AmaniVHenry

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